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Saturday, August 17 Front Page >> Random Rants >> no updating. so here's an update
NO UPDATING. SO HERE'S AN UPDATE

Dec 05, 2004, 1:50am

Sick as a dawg right now (what the heck does that mean anyway)... with the flu.

Having the flu is weird. You start to think about things in different ways. Your mind wanders, but you also see things, I dunno. differently. I guess having the flu is as close as I'll get to experiencing what life is like under hallucinogenic drugs.

Like, should I say what's really going on in my life here? Normal, non-flu Mark would say (and has been saying) no... but what the heck.

I've made some references here and there, under the cuff as it were, about Jeanette and I breaking up some time ago. We broke up right before my Mom passed away. My Mom, and my ten+ year relationship, gone. Not a good year.

But I do count myself as being fortunate that Jeanette and I struggled through some ackward times since then, and remain friends. In fact, we try to be best friends, something neither of us did during the last few years of our relationship. There are struggles and there are challenges, but (I apologise for speaking for her here - maybe she can leave a comment to say if I'm right or not), we both genuinely like and still have much love for each other and want to be friends for the rest of our lives.

Click for larger image
Beata
Collage style pic I did of Beata, to give to her Mom as a framed print.

I've also met someone else in the last few months, someone I'm growing quite fond of. Her name is Beata, and she's a Polish immigrant to Canada (12 years here now). We're discovering what each other is about, and in many ways, I think I've learned from some of my past mistakes and now I'm applying them to this new budding relationship. It's strange. Since 1994 or thereabouts, Jeanette has been the sole woman in my life... see, I was friendly with my past girlfriends, but they all lived in Ottawa or other parts of the country. Now I have a situation where I want to remain solid, good friends with one woman, and pursue what could be a long, long relationship with another.

For Beata, this is a bit of an issue, but one she's working on herself - she (and her friends) don't maintain much contact with their ex's, and one of her friends said something along the lines of "if he still talks to the ex, he hasn't gotten over her, and you're just temporary".

I say, don't always listen to your friends. :)

In addition to this, I have a real struggle "dating". I don't date. Haven't dated much in the traditional sense. I usually just fall into a relationship, without much of the formal rituals of dating. It's so bad that at times, I check online resources for "how to date", but when I read them, it's like, it's so not me! and I move on.

Today, I was sick. And when you're really sick, you want someone to take care of you. I wanted Beata to be that person, but I had a committment today - taking one of my employees out to dinner with his fiance, and with Jeanette, who still works with WebMotif and CoffeeGeek. Jeanette knew I was sick and volunteered to come over and take Marzocco out for a walk before we went, but she got tied up with a visit from her friend Wanda and Wanda's newborn, Russell. She didn't make it here in time, and I drove to the dinner by myself, in a condition I probably shouldn't have driven in.

But one thing I have learned is that while Jeanette and I are friends and hope to be that way for life, I cannot depend on her like I used to. It's not fair to her, or to me.

After the dinner, we were back at my place (the dinner party) for a bit, but they left, and I had a choice to make - just collapse, or call Beata up and basically be a little crying schoolboy.

I chose the latter :) And she came over right away, and took care of me for a couple of hours, walked my dog, fussed and mussed over me, and when I was sort of drifting off, she decided to go home, but only after making sure I was comfortable for the night.

I feel heaps better already :)

3 comments | reply

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